“We’re [parents]) always bluffing, pretending we know best, when most of the time we’re just praying we won’t screw up too badly.” ~ Jodi Picoult
I’m a yeller. It’s a personality trait that I hate about myself, and I have gotten better over the years, but I still have a long way to go. Regardless of how much I improve though, and am able to take a breath before reacting, I think to some extent, like it or not, I will always be a yeller, at least sometimes I think…it’s just who I am. I don’t know why that’s my first reaction. I didn’t grow up in a yelling family. In fact my mom rarely yelled, except for maybe during my teenage years when that was the only way she could possibly get my attention, and even then I don’t remember it being all that often. I don’t think I was always a yeller, and I can’t really pinpoint when I started being one, but I have realized over the past few years, that unfortunately, all too often, I react by yelling first.
Tonight it was my toddler that triggered it, and it was admittedly an epic parenting fail on my part. I do not deny that nor do I try hide it…I will own it and if I’m lucky, learn from it. We were trying to unpack from a long weekend out of town, get laundry done, kids bathed, and all the stuff you have to do to get ready for the work week. Of course we were exhausted from the long days and the long drive home so that of course added to the level of stress or should I say, grumpiness, running ramped through the house. An excuse? No, but just trying to set the stage for my “outburst”. Also, it should be known that we are in the very early stages of potty training so accidents are expected. I had just put my toddler on the toilet, literally two or three minute earlier and she sat there and sat there and swore she did not have to go. I took her off the toilet, walked out of the room to grab her bath towel and no sooner than I turned around, she peed in the floor. She came and got me and told me what happened, but that’s not all. After I cleaned up that mess and gave her a shower, we sat her on the bed to put her diaper and pajamas on and she peed on the bed!! That’s when I happened…I yelled at her, scared her, and made her cry for something that she absolutely should not have gotten in trouble for.
Right away I felt guilty and like a giant asshole for doing it, but it was too late. (That’s how I generally know when I’m yelling for a justifiable reason or if it was an unwarranted outburst — the level of guilt I feel for doing it instantly after I open my mouth.) Of course I immediately hugged her and apologized and reassured her that she did nothing wrong and was not in trouble, but she’s 2.5…all she realized is that she peed, I flipped my shit, and she was scared of my reaction. See what I mean by epic parenting fail? I still feel horrible but I also realize that yelling, or I guess not yelling, is something that I definitely need to continue to work on.
Are you a yeller? Do you know one? How do you focus and keep yourself from reacting to stressful or frustrating situations in the wrong way? Let me know in the comments below and thanks for reading!
Natasha says
June 25, 2014 at 8:11 amI find that I yell entirely too much also. I try to curb my yelling but it seems like there is always something that is going to set me off. I have gotten better over the years but that could be due to my older age now and my IDGAFlux attitude. With my first child I was so uptight that any and everything would set off a yelling spree, now with baby number four I just don;t care anymore. My feet have been soaked in pee from pissing little bugs and where I once use to mop the whole floor I now just spary the pee and around it and then wipe it up after I let the spray soak in for lord how know how long. I mean to let it soak for 5min but someone is always calling me. But the pee gets up and that spot is normally a bit whiter than the rest due to the lemons in the cleaner.
Alison says
June 27, 2014 at 8:35 amI think maybe I’ve gotten worse since my 1st kiddo…given I’m more aware so at least I can start to try and change the trend. I think part of it is the fact that life has gotten so much busier and we have little downtown so stress levels run consistently high — maybe I need to tackle that and my overall attitude would relax some?? Maybe….
Echo says
June 25, 2014 at 8:22 amI’m a yeller too. I try not to, but it is just part of my personality, LOL!
Alison says
June 27, 2014 at 8:34 amWell…it’s not one of my best traits, but it helps to know I’m not the only one!
tara pittman says
June 25, 2014 at 8:40 amI use to be a yeller with my first three kids but when I had another baby and saw how scared he got when I yell, I made changes. I still yell once in a while but I am a much calmer person.
Yona Williams says
June 25, 2014 at 9:17 amI’m not much of a yeller. I’m trying to think of a time or times where I yell. I guess..when things get really stressed and I feel like too many things are boiling over at once, I will explode. That’s when people know it’s serious. I think the last time I yelled was at my brother (oh wow, last year), it was my birthday and I was trying to organize the family doing something together, and he wasn’t cooperating the way I wanted him too, and I lost it. Ohhh – and I will lose it and yell at my sweetie when we’re playing basketball and he grabs my arm to slow me down so that I can’t run after a loose ball. I can’t stand that. He gets more than a yell out of me then.
Kungphoo says
June 25, 2014 at 10:07 amI am a yeller.. i think its in my blood.. I have been getting much better though cause i need to control that.
Leelo R says
June 25, 2014 at 11:01 amI am a yeller from time to time 😛
Heather says
June 25, 2014 at 1:21 pmI’m not a yeller, but I grew up in a yelling household. My husband, a big, buff, rough, tough guy is also most definitely not a yeller. I think something that is difficult for me to wrap my head around is that when we have conflicts in the adult world – .i.e. coworkers, friends (most of the time), customers (again most of the time) we don’t resort to yelling. Yet the people who are most important in the world to us – our spouses, kids, family – we are okay yelling, apologize, justify it then move on. I applaud you for continuing to work on it. I will be honest, if I see parents yelling at their small children in public I tell them, “If you were yelling at me and I was his age, I’d be crying, too.” (Teenagers sometimes I want to tell parents to shake some sense into). Anyway, forgive my ramble. I just remember what it was like as a kid and I don’t ever want that for any other children.
Alison says
June 27, 2014 at 8:33 amYou are right Heather– if I saw someone in public yelling at their kids the way I sometimes do at home, I’d probably think they were giant assholes and feel sorry for the kids…you know said the pot…
Polarbelle says
June 27, 2014 at 1:44 amwe just talk our son to death, lol.
Alison says
June 27, 2014 at 8:31 amLol — I do that with my son (12) sometimes…he HATES it when we make him sit down and “talk about what he’s done”. Kind of fun for me to watch him squirm and sigh the whole time 🙂