So, I had this great post planned out for today about our lovely Memorial Day weekend camping trip last week and then I went grocery shopping. Yup, grocery shopping is what inspired this post…go figure. What happened while I was grocery shopping? Well a very innocent moment of passing a friend in the aisle became one of the most awkward moments I’ve had lately and threw me into some deep thought and reflecting on life in general. Holy crap what’s up with those canned goods?!
About a week ago, I found out this friend of mine (and I say friend because I feel we’re more than simple acquaintances, but we’re not exactly “besties” nor do we talk daily or anything like that); anyway, I found out this friend had lost her baby boy. Now the loss of any child is tragic, but what was so heart wrenching about this story for me, is that I followed her through this pregnancy (via Facebook & when I did run into her at the coffee stand and such) and 2 weeks ago, all was great, they were at the 36 week mark, and ready to get this little man out! The crib was together and we were all just waiting for his grand arrival. Then all of a sudden a week later she’s at the hospital giving birth to a beautiful baby boy that she knows she will not be able to take home. He had gotten the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and did not make it. When I heard the news my heart hurt for her so badly, but she was surrounded by family and very close friends so I mourned privately for her and her family.
I found myself asking how I would be able to handle something like that. Could I handle something like that or would I just be a mess for the rest of my life? I mean I know several people of have lost children of various ages and for various reasons, and they continue to function and live life, but for the life of me, I don’t know how. Looking at my two happy healthy kiddos I couldn’t fathom carrying them to term, going through labor, and delivering either of them and not taking them home with me or life without them at all. I have to say that my friend is one strong lady and she has an amazing support system because she is able to continue pick herself up, take care of her daughter, herself, and do ridiculously common tasks like grocery shopping.
Now I know that life goes on, but I did not expect to see her at the grocery store yesterday afternoon and when I did, I panicked. I simply smiled and said “hi”! Really??? But the problem is that I didn’t know what to say…what I wanted to do was run over and give her a giant hug but that may have been a little weird for everyone in the ole Fred Meyer. Hopefully she doesn’t hold it against me because I don’t want her to think I don’t care, because that’s absolutely not the case…her tragedy really hit me hard and I’ve been constantly thinking about her and her family…all be it silently and from a distance since I apparently don’t know the proper protocol for this type of situation. Basically I acted like a big old ignorant ass…awesome right?
Erinn S says
May 30, 2014 at 7:52 amThat is so sad-and awkward. I can’t imagine what your thoughts were the rest of that shopping trip!
Leslie says
May 30, 2014 at 7:59 amOh my goodness. I wouldn’t know what to say either. I don’t have any kids but I couldn’t imagine going through something like that. Man, she’s strong. It doesn’t make you seem like a bad person, you didn’t know what to say. I would’ve done the same thing.
Alison says
May 30, 2014 at 8:40 amWell…it’s nice to know that my reaction wasn’t completely ridiculous and I’m not the only one who can’t find the right words at the right time all the time!
Cindy says
May 30, 2014 at 8:04 amSend this post to her she will appreciate it very much.
Alison says
May 30, 2014 at 8:39 amThat’s a good idea Cindy maybe I will do that 😉
tara pittman says
May 30, 2014 at 10:21 amIt is so hard to know what to say at these times. Sometimes it is best to say nothing and just a hug works.
Heather says
May 30, 2014 at 11:27 amThere is no ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ in these situations, but I definitely think you should mail her a card or at least send her an email to let her know that she is in her thoughts. I am so sorry for her loss.
Jamie @ Makeuplifelove says
May 30, 2014 at 7:38 pmI wouldnt have known what to say either. To be honest, I almost feel like when something that tragic happens to someone they would rather not talk about it, especially in a grocery store. I dont think there really is a right or wrong way to handle it, but maybe talk to her privately or send her a card and flowers. Grief is a hard thing, and I am sure losing a baby that you were excited to me and bring into the world has to be even harder. I am super sorry for her loss that it awful. You total did not act like a jerk at all.
Justina says
May 30, 2014 at 8:21 pmI totally get why you did what you did. I think it’s hard to have the right words at the right time sometimes. She may not need a constant reminder either by being reminded in public. A grieving friend told me once there is no right thing to say, there are just better things and worse things.
Pamela Barron says
May 30, 2014 at 9:20 pmSometimes the best thing is just to say ” I am sorry for your loss” and give them a hug. Let them take the lead and see if they say anything. Sometimes it it just best to admit that you don’t know what to say as nothing that you can say will make them feel any better right now.
Val Newman says
May 31, 2014 at 3:40 amAlison, you did not act like an ignorant ass. You acted like a human being torn with emotion. I think “hi” was the exact right thing to say. Sometimes hearing “I’m sorry” is more painful that acknowledging that life must go on. At some point in the future, maybe you can give her the big hug you want to and tell her how brave she is. We lost a dear friend suddenly and it was too painful for us to be around the family. I know they probably thought we ditched them for a long while, but it was how we dealt with the grief.
Aussa Lorens says
June 2, 2014 at 6:12 pmI was expecting to read someting terrible, I don’t think you behaved badly or awkwardly at all. I doubt it even crossed her mind to analyze your behavior. Grief is terrible but there is usually a part of you that is aware of the fact that no one knows how to respond to you. I wouldn’t worry about it too much 🙂