It is something we all have to endure. But when we hit roadblocks in a relationship it can prove to be a barrier that we either work together to get over, or we find it is the first nail in the coffin. It’s very easy to say that every couple experiences ups and downs but it’s so stressful to go through this. Weathering the tough storms in any aspect of life can take its toll on us individually and as a couple. But what can we do to actually cope with peaks and troughs effectively?
There’s Never Any Shame In Asking For Help
When you are both in the eye of the storm you may feel that you’ve got to deal with it and nobody else should hear about it. But it all depends on the nature of the issue. This is why there are couples rehab and couples therapy in existence! Sometimes we need that external viewpoint for us to see the light. Sometimes we can get caught up in a relationship so much that we struggle to see it properly. Learning to identify toxic behaviors before they derail the relationship is crucial. And sometimes we can feel that when we are both going through problems that no one else can help. This may be the case but there is no shame in ever asking for advice.
Learning To Minimize Anxieties
You may very well have mood swings but not realize it, or you might be someone who crumbles at the first sight of conflict. When a couple goes through problems the first instinct could be to lash out at the other person. When we start this approach it doesn’t resolve the problem but it can also cause resentment to build up over time. The options you have as a person when faced with this is to either externalize and blame the other person (which can cause a lot of infighting) or you can start to take these things on board which means that you could blame yourself for everything, even when it’s not your fault. It’s about the importance of perspective. When we start to feel that a relationship stresses us out, if we can learn to separate our anxieties from our true thoughts we will then be able to focus on the real issues.
Learning How To Resolve Conflict Effectively
If you are both lashing out at each other consistently you’ve got to remember that how you discuss everything is crucial. The three key components to resolving conflict are the tone of voice, keeping control of your emotions, but also acknowledging the other person’s feelings. We have to remember that we argue because we have no trust or belief in the unit. When we start to learn how to resolve conflict in the right way we will be able to minimize collateral damage. When we argue, our emotions come to the fore and we feel that we need to lash out. There is a balance between spilling your guts and coming to a satisfactory conclusion.
Accepting Responsibility, Not Blame
Taking the blame is completely different from taking responsibility. Once you take the blame for everything this can all be the equivalent of turning yourself into a punching bag. Taking responsibility for your actions is something you have control over. Taking responsibility for the good and the bad things in the relationship allows you to address whether you’ve done something good or bad. Once you learn how to take ownership of a problem and admit that you’ve done wrong this is when you can both work towards solving the issue together. If one person is not willing to accept responsibility it’s a one-sided relationship. For you both to cope with ups and downs as a couple you both need to admit when you are at fault. People never want to admit that they are wrong, especially when it comes to someone they see every single day. But relationships aren’t perfect and it’s about understanding that when something goes wrong that we have to admit that we’ve done something to affect the other person or impact the relationship.
Every relationship comes with ups and downs but it is about whether the couple wants to admit there are problems so they can be solved. Every relationship comes with its fair share of baggage. But the most crucial component of helping any relationship to develop is admitting that these things are there. There is no weakness in admitting that you are at fault. This will give you ownership over the problems so you can then start to love each other more.