It’s quite amazing to see how different personalities can be from the get-go in life. Some people seem to be so secure and put-together until they hang out with the wrong crowd and fall off the tracks, only to come back stronger and wiser for the mistake. Some can be strong all of their lives and struggle with something that really takes them by surprise, leaving them to need help at the time they felt the most self-assured.
Others can feel a real sense of moral obligation, to look after those around them and even people they may not even know that well. These are the people-pleasers, and it’s not uncommon that you may define yourself as one, or at least know someone like this. In psychological terms, this is noted as ‘agreeableness’ on the personality index, and those who are quite high in it can often struggle to put their best foot forward and state their needs. In negotiations for example, they are much more likely to negotiate on behalf of someone else rather than themselves.
Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For What You Need
Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need, and to seek it out. If you just bottle it up, your needs don’t go away, but your ability to ask for them and feel confident in expressing yourself will be limited. In fact, this can lead to bitterness, and before long your worst character traits can come out to try and claw what you need by force. We see this in relationships where the loving spark has died out, or in how children rebel against overly strict or dismissive parents (which is rough, because children can’t articulate themselves or understand themselves as easily, even adults have trouble with this).
What do you need? Perhaps you wish to try alternative therapies or products for a condition you have, and taking the time to click this page could help you communicate that to your Doctor or partner. Maybe you wish to try ballet dancing and you’re a forty-five-year-old gruff bricklayer with a beard, but you don’t care, you’re finally living as the real you and throwing caution to the wind. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. Life is too short not to attempt to find it.
Educate yourself as much as you can about the topics you’re interested in. This helps you build a robust understanding of your own tastes. When you do this, you learn how to learn things. This helps you avoid feeling so out-of-place and out-of-your-depth in conversations you don’t understand. In fact, it will help you be inquisitive and interesting, and a worthy person to talk to. This will improve your own self-esteem.
Let’s say you’re on a date. The person you’re dating is a very nice person, and brings up a topic that they’re passionate about. You want to impress them, and so when they ask you if you have familiarity with the subject, you say ‘yes’. You struggle to keep up with the conversation and find yourself repeating the same points over and over. You come away cursing and even apologising for being uninteresting, in your own way. Wouldn’t it just be better to ask them about it, and give them the chance to really talk to you about something they love? Odds are you’ll learn something about them, and you’ll learn one thing more important than ever – there was nothing to feel sorry about in the first place.
Live Your Truth
Live your truth. This seems like a cliche’d phrase in today’s world, but it’s true. How can you authentically live as yourself? You don’t have to be the coolest, the most attractive, and the most intelligent person to be a pretty great person. People born without limbs or with learning disabilities show themselves to be full of positive and loving character so regularly it almost boggles the mind. Do their struggles make them lesser? Not in the slightest, in fact, it raises them higher. This is an odd comparison to make, but it shows that people you would feel pity for are sometimes the people who need the least pity, because they are the most deserving and internally robust. Could it be you’re much better than you give yourself credit for? Odds are that’s the case.
With this advice, we hope you can stop feeling so apologetic on a daily basis. The less you do this, the more your actual apologies hold weight. That’s the irony here, and thankfully, it can help you grow.